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Saturday, June 7th, 2008
2:03 pm - Birthday
It's been a good year, in general.

I've learned a ton about myself, and I've set myself on a path to health and happiness. I have a fun job, I am enjoying my schooling and SUCCEEDING at it.

I want to thank everyone for cheering me on and pushing me forward. One of my personal issues is remembering to just say "Thank you" in a sincere and meaningful way to my comrades. So thanks, everyone, Lisa, all the f-lan crew, my family, Skerry and all my work buddies, Letha, my study group, and anyone else I forgot =P. Let's hope for another good year!

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Saturday, March 1st, 2008
2:45 pm - March Day
[14:31] Disdehcet: whateva
[14:31] Why The Ferret: whateva
[14:31] Disdehcet: whateva
[14:32] Why The Ferret: whatevawhat
[14:32] Disdehcet: evawhat
[14:32] Why The Ferret: avetahw
[14:32] Disdehcet: atevawhay
[14:33] Why The Ferret: queeva
[14:33] Disdehcet: whateva

I thought it'd be a nice way to open this entry.

The ways life connects events to actions and People to memories is really deep. I find it nostalgic to think about an object and just think about why it's there, and the history behind that.

Or why I think about certain people or events when I see or hear things mostly unrelated.

I am going through a lot of change right now. For that matter, I've gone through a lot of change in the last year or so. Mostly for the better.

I lost around 70 pounds. I got straight A's in a full time semester of college. I got a satisfying job that I enjoy and get paid okay for. I fell in love. I drank a bunch of alcohol. I've been buying some nicer clothes, and a fun pair of shoes. I've been listening to more varied music, and I've been feeling visually artsy to an extent.

I want to meet more people. It has occurred to me that most of my old high school buddies have gone their ways, and I was never...REALLY good friends with most of them. Lisa, my best friend just moved farther away, and has her own life to live without really needing to be great friends with me anymore. The f-lan crew also has been steadily moving farther away and I was never to close to any of THEM except maybe eck.

I'm interested in a relationship. Maybe I shouldn't be, I'm not too great with them. I can work on that. I _will_ work on that. There are plenty of nice, interesting and attractive woman out there that are looking to share a piece of mind with someone. I just need to present myself a little better, and show them interest without SCARING them away. I think, subconsciously, I've been too centered on my own feelings when trying to advance a relationship or flirt with a nice girl or whatever. I get caught up in the moment, and forget that I'm trying to invite someone else into my life, and I need to treat them like a guest. I need to continue thinking about this, but more importantly DOING it.

I think about my past often. I think about the people who have made me cry, made me mad, made me smile. The fact is, the thing I think most about is whether the people I've mad cry, made mad, made smile think about me sometimes? I really want to make a positive impact on the people I care about's lives. Maybe I'm just being the attention whore I always was.

Is that Human nature? Or am I just lonely and thoughtful?

current mood: thoughtful

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Sunday, January 20th, 2008
12:49 pm - is ANYONE reading this anymore...
...or can I start blabbering again?

I feel like I don't have enough people to talk to about things anymore. So this could be a good place to begin, or continue I suppose. Considering I don't think I mind if anyone who USED to read this care about what I think I'll be talking about, I feel I can do that without making it private, and if people are bored enough to check this, so be it.

So, if you check this EVER, reply here with a simple Yes or Me or whatever.

current mood: awake

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Thursday, January 17th, 2008
1:37 pm

I want to change everything.
I want to change my life.

I'm in love.

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Thursday, February 15th, 2007
3:21 am - Valentine's
I gave a girl at my work a box of chocolate.

Is this kindness and caring for humanity?

Or am I showing affection for her and expressing interest?

She smokes and has 2 kids at the age of Twentyyoungsomething.

But I kinda felt bad for her, you know?

I felt pretty neat after. Who knows? She'll probably reflect on it tonight sometime. That's kinda cool that I just might have done something to make someone else think about me in a positive way.


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Monday, September 4th, 2006
1:05 am - Cat's Farts
are smelly.

Anyways, This morning's Labor day. I'm sure glad I have no school today. Though, I DO have my homework done.

Today I wore two pairs of socks to work. It helped more than I expected.

Also at work today, Billy the bagger, said I had "a nice personality for checking" and asked me how hard the test was to become one. It was kind of flattering...I haven't had a real complement on my personality in a long time.

It's ok to have feelings about my female co-workers right? Right.

I think I'm getting used to this job a lot more. I just need to manipulate my hours a bit, and hopefully make some friends in my music classes. I'm just kind of bummed by the fact that the are only like 3 women in my class. Meh...

So to some up my goals: Finish Cabrillo, Make some money, and find some companionship.

current mood: awake

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Thursday, August 31st, 2006
1:22 pm - Can't Stop the Rock
It's thursday and I have work. I'm liking my co-workers =) Except for some bitch. She's....a bitch.

Schools going nicely. I'm getting more inspired by the day. It's nice.

My mp3 player got wiped, so I'm redownloading and refilling it slowly. Any Suggestions?

<3 Later

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Monday, August 28th, 2006
12:51 pm - REVAMP-O
Alright, it's done. I'm starting over. I'm a music Major at a decent-but-still-junior Junior College, and I'm working my ass off as well. This is a complete switch from how I've been Existing for the past few years. I'm working nights as a checker at safeway, I'm schooling in the mornings. I have tuesdays and thursdays to do homework and the weekend to relax a bit.

I need to move forward with my life. I thought I was happy just working and playing games with my friends online, because it was fun and I was enjoying myself. But I was really just skillfully wasting my time and becoming unhealthy in the process. I need to REALLY push to get back in shape, resharpen my musical skills both mentally and physically (singing, keyboard skills etc), as well as improve on my work performance and become comfortable with my job. I let myself go without music for the past year...and I see what it's done to me. I must never let myself go like that again.

I finally found something of a goal in life, and it involves music. I need to keep at it, and I think I'm finally ready to bring metacognition back into my life. I used it in my past, but I wasn't ready for it, and since then, I've been less intelligent, observatory, and interesting.

I'd also like to make new friends who are motivated and would like to meet a women who I can spend some time with more intimately. I feed off of other people, and I feel I give back to them what I take. But the important part is that alone, I am nothing. If I had better friends, and maybe someone close, I think it would improve my life in every aspect.

That's all for now...play time is over.

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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
1:18 pm
Unless someone wants to reach out, I'm done. (831)251-1424.

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Sunday, February 5th, 2006
10:20 pm - My Life.
Is worthless. I don't do anything, I have no ambitions, I don't really care about too many people.

I'm losing my health, I'm often bored to tears. I'll just have to l2p.

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Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

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Sunday, September 11th, 2005
9:36 am
One does not simply LIVEJOURNAL into mordor.

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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
2:13 pm - Why Hello There.
So yah, I don't actually know if I can move out now. I'm going to have to save a lot of money for taxes, and mell stole that money from me (basically). So, that sucks.

Blah Blah, why can I never have the patience to update?

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Friday, July 29th, 2005
5:01 pm - LOL UPDATE
Nothing much to report.

I'm moving out in a few days, for sure this time.

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Sunday, June 19th, 2005
3:40 am - PMOwned.

These days will be good.

current mood: awake

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Thursday, June 16th, 2005
6:22 am
Oh, and BTW, I got paid.

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Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
8:10 pm - stolen from colin.
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid || 10%
Schizoid |||||| 26%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Antisocial |||||| 26%
Borderline |||||||||||| 46%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 46%
Narcissistic |||||| 30%
Avoidant |||||| 22%
Dependent |||||||||||| 50%
Obsessive-Compulsive || 10%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
3:32 pm - FUCK
This is the worst day of work by far ever. Everything is failing, I messed up something, I haven't had a lunch break, I smashed my finger in a magnetically sealed door. I'm definately not participating in the contest today. I'm hungry and tired. I"m on hold with HP, who will answer in like 3 hours with an indian guy who I cant understand, and when I try and get them to send someone out here with a hard drive to install it, they'll insist that I'm doing something wrong and that they cant cancel the mailing order that I jsut got them to do like an hour ago, and that none of this is under the warrenty. GOD THIS BLOWS.

PS: before I could set my mood, the noc called and gave me something else to work on.

current mood: infuriated

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Thursday, June 9th, 2005
6:43 pm - The Turning Point
Now it's becoming a countdown. My life will change when I get my first paycheck. I will be debt free, I will have bought a new computer, an Airsoft gun, and most importantly: some space to live in.

I hate to say it, but money will bring me MUCHO happiness, though it may be temporary. I want to GET OUT THERE and fail on my fucking own, dad. I'm going to do it with a smile on my face. I know most of my problems can't be solved with money, but some of the most important ones can.

Well, thats a happy post!

current mood: amused

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Monday, June 6th, 2005
10:23 am - Birthday
What should I do for my birthday tomorrow?

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